Roses are Red, and Violets are Blue
by THE L0NE WANDERER
Summary: Have you ever wondered what it would be like if the reds and blues had characters in the RWBY universe? Well, join Beacon freshmen teams CLAM and GDLD and Beacon's gym coach Sarge for a summer of hell in a boxed off canyon in the middle of nowhere for extra credit, because Griff is the laziest leader ever and Caboose... is Caboose.
1. Chapter 1

**Roses are Red, and Violets are Blue; Chapter 1**

 **Disclaimer** **: I would say I own the rights to RWBY and RvB, but then I get a shotgun blast from Yang and Sarge to the dick.**

 **AN: Well, let's give this a try. You people demanded, and so it shall be done! I shall create a fic focused eternally around the RWBY version of the Reds and Blues as a spinoff to 9MTL. For those who don't know, here's the lineup**

 **Team CLAM.  
** **Leader: Leonard Church;** **an asshole who uses a Sniper Spear combo (Epsilon), who's surprisingly decent with the spear, but obviously sucks at the sniper, and too proud to change Semblance is to create clones that take on a different aspect of his personality.  
Partner: WAS Alison Tex, but now is Caboose  
Lavernuis Tucker; Huge pervert and self-proclaimed ladies' man, uses a high tech plasma dual sword (Arbiter), but unfortunately, the weapon's strength lead to Tucker not really caring about his technique.  
Alison Tex: The only cable huntress-in-training and a total bitch, uses gauntlets that have detachable knifes and a bolt action rifle (Lone Star) that can change into a bow staff, and is extremely skilled in unarmed combat. Semblance: Unknown. Partner: Tucker  
Miachel J. Caboose; Strong as an Ursa, dumb as a rock, and makes Church's life a living hell. Uses a special machine gun hammer combo programed with a former Paladin Mech AI nicknamed Freckles, and has a history of driving his superiors over the edge, both figuratively and literally.**

 **Team GSLD (Think Gold)  
Leader: Dexter Griff; extremely lazy and king of bad habits. Uses a heavy impact grenade launcher with a wicked blade at the end (Griffshot. If it ain't broke, don't fix it)  
Dick Simmons: Rule following Nerd and kickass through and through; Uses a guidable rocket launcher that doubles as a mace. (Trajectory endpoint)  
Lopez: An android that was made during the same series as Penny, but permanently stuck on Spanish. Has an extreme amount of strength, and uses a special turret launcher. (The Inquisition. I know. How unexpected.)  
Franklin D. Donut: He's not pink, he's lightish red, and a fashion designer to boot. Has a large stash of dust grenades and a high impact (Self-proclaimed stylish) pistol named Magenta Fluer.**

 **Beacon Gym Teacher: Sarge; Hates Griff as much as he does the color blue, this man is a war vet from a war nobody knows…not even Sarge. Has a taste for the classics with his double barrel shotgun that students have come to know as the Sargeinator.**

* * *

The Valhalla Forest of Vale. With a small amount of Grimm, this forest has served hunters for years as a good training ground and as a place to kick back in relax, and enjoy the beauty of nature before their next hunt.

Or in our main characters case, take a summer course taught by their insane gym teacher to make up for lost time.

"THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT!" Yelled Church, leader of the Beacon team CLAM "Why do we have to spend our entire fucking summer in this shit hole because we got our last member, who mind you I still vote we kill him in the middle of the night and make it look like Grimm did it, to make up for lost time!"

"You're telling me dude. You can't pick up chicks in the middle of the fucking woods…can you?" asked his teal wearing companion as he began to unpack his stuff in the old outpost their team would be living in for the summer.

"Oh yes Tucker. I'm sure there's a pool of naked women in the middle of the fucking nowhere, just waiting to fucking sleep with you"

"Really?"

"I fucking hate everyone here."

"If Church is done having his hissy fit, tell him to get his sorry ass out here" Called a familiar uncaring voice.

Church rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath "Bitch"

"I heard that!"

"FUCK"

Alison Tex stood outside the small outpost, the ever present scowl on her face. "Come on you bunch of pussys, it can't be that bad. The Grimm aren't even that high around here." She said as she unloaded her duffel off the jeep that drove them here.

"You don't understand" Church said, his face full of dread. "It's not the Grimm I worried about. It's HIM" He said, gesturing towards their other teammate, Caboose, who was chasing a butterfly.

"Now I know you're bullshiting me. There is no way any person can be that bad. Hell, I don't even think he has the brain cells to be scary"

"That's the thing. He's SO FUCKING ANNOYING AND STUPID! He will make you wish death would come. I once back in Signal ended up in the fucking hospital because he tried to _'help'_ me by shooting me with a fucking tank shell!"

"He can't be that bad. You're just an asshole." Tex shrugged, still not buying it. Church was always full of shit, so this shouldn't be any different

"Lady, I know just how often Church is full of shit, but trust me. He is not exaggerating." Tucker said, with the same solemn tone as Church had used.

"Sshh, Mommy and Daddy are talking" Church and Tex both said to the aquamarine wearing perv.

"Fine. I'm gonna go look for a place to go… relax…." And with that, Tucker left the two alone.

"God I fucking hate this. My entire summer, out the fucking window thanks to stupid FUCKING Ozpin!" Church ranted.

"Hey, I'm pissed about this too. I could be out there kicking ass and making money, but I'm stuck with you losers. So quite you're bitching."

"Greedy Bitch"

"Self-centered Asshole"

"Just un pack your crap Church."

"Fine" Church huffed, walking off to get his stuff into his bunk "Bet the reds have it better than us" He muttered under his breath.

* * *

"ALRIGHT YOU CUPCAKES, LET ME MAKE ONE THING CLEAR!" Bellowed the ever red wearing Sarge "I WILL NOT TOLERATE ANY LAZYNESS HERE AT RED BASE! AM I CLEAR NUMNUTS!"

Dick Simmons stood in attention "Sir Yes Sir!"

Dexter Griff rolled his eyes "Sure Sarge" he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm "I'll make sure to work EXTRA hard on my naps."

"WAS THAT SARCASM I HEARD, DIRTBAG" Sarge growled leaning towards the orange slacker.

"Nooo Sarge. Using sarcasm on a commanding officer? What kind of hunter do you take me for?" Griff said in the same sarcastic tone.

"Why you little convening good for nothing-"Sarge grumbled off

"Permission to speak sure?" Simmons asked, his hand raised

"Permission granted Simmons"

"I was told I could take this course as extra credit, and I'm just curious as to what we'll be doing here sir." Simmons asked, standing in attention.

"Good question Simmons. I brought you to this wonderful place to give the best learning experience I can give." Sarge said

"A nice classroom lesson on grimm hunting tactics and math lessons?" Simmons said with stars in his eyes?"

"Fashion and Interior design?" Donut asked

"You're all wrong maggots. Over the course of this summer, you will be exposed to the greatest teacher known to man, next to me over course. WAR!" Sarge said with glee "You will be fighting against the team on the other side, unfortunately simulating, a war!"

"A war? Sir. Doesn't that seem… a bit extreme?" Simmons asked nervously. He did not sign up to fight a war. All he wanted to do was get in Sarge's good graces!

"The fight against the enemy is always extreme Simmons! That's why you must always know just what to expect! Like…right now!" Sarge yelled, turning around and firing his shotgun at nothing. "Damn. They got away. I'll get you one day…."

"So let me get this straight. You want us, to spend in an entire summer, fighting against grimm and the blues, in some sort of war simulation, when I could have been sitting around doing nothing?" Griff said

"That's right dirtbag"

"I fucking hate you."

"WHAT WAS THAT MAGGOT"

"I said I was lucky to have you" Griff said, his voice full of sarcasm.

"That's what I thought!" Sarge said, missing the sarcasm by a mile "Now, due to the fact that this is the only team that failed their semester, I will be personally overseeing you, even camping with you!"

"OH COME ON! The blues have a girl on their team, you trust them alone in the woods?" Griff complained

Sarge merely pointed his gun at Griff "The only reason they are here is because they to work with their teammate who came late last semester. As for the girl, I she is better than all 4 of you numnuts put together. Not as good as me, of course, but by the time I'm done with you, there will only be RED!" On this note, Sarge drove off in his jeep, leaving the team to unpack.

Griff was the first one to speak "Somehow, that doesn't reassure me"

"Dude what the hell! You completely blew my chances of impressing Sarge!" Simmons moaned, pulling at his hair.

Griff just merely shrugged "Hey man, don't blame it on me."

"Blame it on you? Of course I'm gonna blame it on you! You're grades are the only reason we're here you fucking idiot!" The maroon hunter yelled, jabbing his finger at Griff.

"Hey, I told you straight from the start that you needed to do my work. So technically, this is your fault"

"And I told you to do your own damn work!"

"Look Simmons, quite trying to blame me for your failures."

"BUT IT WAS YOU WHO FAILED!"

Donut and Lopez stood by as the two continued to picker.

"Wow Lopez, I'm sure glad we got along better than those two." Donut said as he began to design his room with all sorts of décor.

"Estoy rodeado de idiotas" The android merely deadpanned as he looked at his 'team'  
 **("I'm surrounded by idiots")**

"You're right Lopez, This lamp shade would look better over here!"

"Mátame ahora"  
 **("Kill me now")**

"Aw thanks"

And so, we begin our tale. Of reds and blues, of grimm monsters, and their own stupidity. A summer that could have been spent carefree, now being used to make up for failures and time. But Roses are red, and violets are blue, and one day we'll cruise down Blood Gulch Avenue…

* * *

 **Omake: RWBY Shipping PSA**

"Is it on?"

"Yeah, I think it is"

The camera turned on to reveal Griff and Simmons standing behind a make shift green skin, held up by duct tape and poorly hammered in nails.

"Remind me again why we're doing this?" Griff asked

Simmons rolled his eyes "Because idiot, this is extra credit, which you need."

"Need, or you want?"

"If you do this we can get out of this canyon faster"

"Hi, I'm Dexter Griff, leader of the freshmen team GSLD at Beacon!" The orange hunter said with vigor he lacked just moments ago

"And I'm Dick Simmons from team."

"And we're here today to talk about a thing now days know as shipping."

Simmons gestured towards the green screen where text poped up "Now, most people are asking themselves, what is shipping? Shipping is what happens when a 3rd party wants two separate people to get into a relationship. Now what you're thinking, isn't that something done by lonely people who live in their basements and can't get their own date. And if you're thinking that...then your absolutely right. Ya freaking creep" Griff deadpanned

Simmons looked at Griff with horror "HEY! DON'T YOU TALK SMACK ABOUT MY OTP"

"What?"

"For uncultured swine like Griff here, OTP means one true pairing. Let's take it over to our teammate Franklin Donut"

The camera then turned to Donut, holding his scroll while standing next to a project. "Thanks guys, I'll fill them in with all I have!"

"STOP THAT!"

"As you can tell, with shipping, there are many different aspects! Fanart, prompts, forums, online community, and of course, works of fan made literature...like fanstories! Why even the students at Beacon, ourselves included, are shipped!"

At this, Griff and Simmons both looked to Donut. "WHAT?!"

"You're telling me some fucking pedophile is playing cupid?"

"Wait, us too? I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST THE UPPERCLASSMEN"

Donut nodded "Yup! Our team has alot of what fans call Yowhee!"

"Oh god...and it's yoai Donut" Simmons corrected the lightish red grenader. fearing for the worst

"Yup, there's you and Griff-"

" **NO WAY IN HELL"** Both hunters said at once.

"Awh, but there's no denying you got great chemistry together!"

Griff looked Donut dead in the eye. "I would rather deal with Sarge all day than be forced to date this loser. Besides, I'm straight!"

Donut shrugged "Well, its funny you say that because that's another popular ship!"

At this, a shotgun blast was shot dangerously close to Donut. the 3 hunters turned around to see said gym coach reloading his shotgun "There is no way in sam hell, that I will even condone the thought of that in this universe and the next Dirt bags." He said, slapped Griff upside the head, then walked out of the room

"Owwwwww" Griff moaned, holding his head. "What did I do?"

At this Sarge yelled from the other room "IS THAT COMPLAINING?"

"Just get on with it Donut."

The pink-IMeanLightishRed Hunter continued "Well, on our year, popular ships are Church x Tex or Chex-"

Simmons paled at this "Wait, Tex as in the deadliest student in our year? What sane man would try and tap that!?"

"- Then of course, Caboose and Church-"

"Ha! Suck it blue!" Griff laughed at this

"And then in the upper years, there the team RWBY and JNPR pairings."

Griff rolled his eyes at this "Oh joy, team RWBY. What kind of leader names their own team after themselves. Dumbass."

"Says the idiot who named his own weapon the Griffshot!" Simmons yelled

"Oh yeah, like your math term is sooooooooooo much better"

"Why you little-" And at that, Griff and Simmons began to argue like crazy.

Donut looked to the camera "Well, as those lovers quarrel, let Donut fill in your hole! In team RWBY we have many ships, all of them Yuri! First there's White Rose, for people who ship the leader, Ruby Rose, with her partner, Weiss Schnee! Then there's Bumblebee shipping the Yang Xaoi Long and her partner, Blake Belladonna. These are the popular ships inside the team, with side ships of Enabler the incest relatonship of Ruby x Yang, Monochrome; the Blake x Weiss, Ladybug; the Blake x Ruby, and of course Freezerburn; which pairs Weiss and Yang. Then there's JNPR, with Arkos spearheading it, the pairing of Jaune and Pyrrha, though that seems kinda dead recently...then theirs the all but confirmed Rennora, which as the name implies, ships Ren and Nora. There is one other main ship, one that has the two awkward leaders pinned for one another like a socially impaired Redoe and Blueliet. This ship is called Lancaster...hey why is it called that?"

"What the hell are you guys doing"

The camera turned to reveal team CLAM walking into the base with a very angry looking Allison Texas brandishing an even angrier looking knife "What...the...hell...is...this..." She gritted out, holding up her scroll, to reveal a live feed.

"Well folks, guess thats it on our PSA today! Now I gotta go...OH GOD DON'T STICK THAT UP THERE!"

* * *

 **AN: And done with chapter 1! Review and like, and leave any ideas you might want me to but these guys through or characters you want to make an appearance!**


	2. Chapter 2 Mr Blue Sky

**Roses are Red, Violets are Blue**

 **Chapter 2: Mr Blue Sky.**

 **Disclaimer: I lack ownership of both Red vs Blue and RWBY. Both products belong to Rooster Teeth.**

 **AN: God damn it's been awhile since I've added for this. There is a reason. One, my laptop that had my progress for the chapter crashed and I had to replace it, and that is always a swift kick to the balls. Two, my other stories. Three, my own life (what life, go back to your cave, you crazed internet nomad). Response to this, while small, has been positive, and I really do intend to flesh out this story as more than a spin off of 9 Months to Live and make its own thing**

 **Now, to answer questions**

" **How are the team names pronounced?" Well, the blues team, CLAM, is pronounced exactly like it is, clam, like the sea creature. As for the reds, team GDLD, it's gold. And due to the fact of this being as spinoff of my RWBY fic 9 Months to Live (shameless self advertising) the RWBY gang has graduated, and the reds and blues have finished their freshman year at Beacon but failed for various reasons and are trying to make up credit so they don't fail and progress into their sophomore year at Beacon.**

* * *

Ozpin was having a nice day. The school was quiet and empty of students, the children out enjoying their summer vacation, the peace was for the most part well maintained and best of all, it was just him and his mug of caffeinated heaven. Ahhhhh….bliss.

"OZPIN!"

Oh, Damn it all.

"Yes Glynda?" Ozpin said hesitantly as the huntress stormed into his office.

"What is THIS!" She said, slamming down a scroll on his desk.

The headmaster looked down to see Glynda's schedule for the week. Monday check hallways and school supplies, Tuesday look of student applications, Wednesday check on Coach Sarge and his...oh. Yeah, that would do it.

"Why did you have me checking those...those…" Glynda fumed

"Glynda, calm down" Ozpin said slowly "I just need you evaluate their progress.""Sir, no offense, but I can tell you right now my evaluation. Leonard is a horrible leader and refuses to acknowledge the fact he has no tact for long range, Alison, while the only one who is proficient in combat, is not a team player and threatens and terrorizes her team on a frequent basis, and Lavernius, while he displays some potential, is too busy flirting with the females of Beacon to get any training done and lacks any initiative. And Michael…" She and Ozpin both shuddered at the memory of meeting the _special_ student. They still cursed Tai to this day for sticking them with the student.

"But then there's the other team. Team GDLD. Where do I even begin? The only one with any sense of trying is Mr Simmons, and while he does excel in the classroom, he performs horribly under pressure, then the matters of Dexter Grif, the one you appointed to lead this team." Glynda stated.

Ozpin took a sip of his coffee "Yes, what of it, Glynda?"

The Huntress resumed her rant "Dexter Grif is by far, the laziest slob I've seen in all my years working at Beacon. He naps during class, he always gives the most lackluster excuse for why he can't participate in the physical training, and even worse, he time and time again abuses his partner Simmons, having him take the fall for most of his problems. Then there's the prototype android that is Penny's 'brother' you let come into Beacon, Lopez. The robot, while he sadly does seem to be the closest semblance of normal on the team, he is permanently stuck in a language very few understand, in a work field where communication is key! Then there's finally Delanor Donut, who when first saw me, claimed that sexy school teacher was sooo last year, and then recommended me to try some new clothes. His only strong suit is his incredible throwing arm, and there's always something… off when he talks."

Ozpin stood up and walked over to the fuming woman "Glynda, I assure you, I have them with one of Beacon's finest."

"That's the thing! Remember when you first hired him?"

* * *

Ozpin walked into his interagatio-I mean interview room and greeted the red wearing man who was trying out for the role of Beacon's gym teacher. The last one had a nervous breakdown after some of Ms. Xiao Long's antics, along with Ms. Valkyrie's inhuman demands, and several other things. Ozpin sat down at his chair and begin to read over his resume.

"So Mr….Sarge. Peculiar name." Ozpin stated.

The gruff man grinned "Yup! My Pappy always did say dress for the job you want, not the job you have, so I just took it one step further!"

Ozpin looked at the man in confusion. His name...was Sarge...because he wanted that occupation, but here he was, interviewing for the position of an esteemed combat school's gym coach.

Straightening himself together and sipping from his signature mug, Ozpin proceed forward with the interview. "So, what makes you think you have what it takes to teach and condition something as vital as physical fitness at a school like Beacon?"

"I'm ready to die for this cause! Besides, I can whip a dirtbag into shape in no time! Nothing motivates better than buckshot! Heh heh!" The gruff man chuckled to himself darkly.

Ozpin looked at the his resume. The man was some sort of veteran, and if given any other option he would have chosen anyone else. But sadly, not many people who were capable were willing to teach something as petty as gym, even for a school like Beacon. Knowing he'd regret this later, Ozpin extended his hand hesitantly out to Sarge "Welcome to Beacon, Mr...Sarge."

* * *

Ozpin finished recalling "To be fair, our hands were tied."

"Yes, but why did you let him go with his little summer training idea?" Glynda glared at the headmaster.

"Despite all their flaws, I saw potential in the teams that failed this year. I believe that all they need is a little push in the right direction to get them started. So rather than expel them, I decided that the little camp Mr. Sarge suggested would be just the second chance they needed. I'm positive they're doing fine."

* * *

"THIS IS NOT FINE!" Church yelled as pack of angry Ursa closed on team CLAM. What was supposed to be simple team bonding exercise by Sarge quickly escalated to a fight for survival, as it turns out, the middle of the god damn forest had a fucking pack of Ursa that Church might, MIGHT, have accidentally alerted while yelling at Caboose to get away from him.

"Bro, I don't wanna die! I still need to delete my internet history!" Tucker proclaimed as grimm bears got closer.

"Oh, quite crying you babies." Tex growled as she pulled her one of her knives out of a grimm's skull then immediately plunging it into another"Just focus on killing these damn things or I'll kill you before the Ursa!"

Tucker and Church both cringed while Caboose remained oblivious to whole dilemma to begin with. Church however, came up with an idea. "Hey, Caboose?!" He called out

"Yes best friend?!" The blue idiot cried out happily.

"I'm not your best fri- I mean, these grimm need your help!" Church yelled

Tucker looked at the leader like he fucking lost it "Dude, are you insane?"

"Sometimes, I honestly think you people have drove me crazy. But no, just watch." Church said, a hint of smug satisfaction in his voice.

Caboose then pulled out his machine gun...Freckles, and then continued to shoot several of the pack of grimm, taking down the massive Ursas "Sorry mean looking teddy bears. Tucker did it. Not my fault." Caboose said as a good chunk of the ursa turned to the dark ashes.

"Dude, why am I always the one getting blamed!?" Tucker cried out, only to have Tex and Church scowl at him.

"Shut up Tucker." Both of them said to the aquamarine perv as the fight begin to reach it's end.

Tucker threw his hands up. "Fine! I'm gonna be at my rock." And with that, Tucker went off.

"FINE! GO PLAY WITH YOUR SWORD!" Church yelled out to him, receiving only a middle finger from him. "Well, at least I got you Tex- Tex?" the leader looked around to see his sorta girlfriend walking back to the base already, also flipping him off.

"You still have me Church! Your bestest friend! We'll be friends to the end!"

"Suicide is looking better by the day" The leader mumbled to himself as he began to walk back to the base.

* * *

Griff was currently as happy as he could be...well, as happy as one could be when you were being forced to attend a hellish camp run by a drill sergeant with a personal vendetta against him.

But right now, he was in his bed. His nice, comfy, bed, complete with the twinkies he smuggled in, his usual filth, and his peace and quiet. Nothing could ruin this now...

"GOOD MORNING DIRTBAGS!"

Expect maybe that."Griff, get up, you lazy bastard! Sarge is gonna kick our asses if you're late again!" Simmons voice rang from outside his door.

"5 more minutes…" The orange leader moaned. He was not getting up. There was nothing that could

"Grif, Sarge is gonna-"

"Gonna what? Break down my door and use me for target practice?" Grif rolled his eyes. He was not gonna let anything get between him and doing nothing. Now to nap the day away...

"Grif, he's-"

"Look, I'm not coming out and there's nothing-"

 _Click_

 _ **BOOM!**_

With a loud boom, Grif's door flew back, revealing Sarge cocking his shotgun with Simmons standing behind him. "Rise and shine, Numnut! It's time for practice, which is the 2nd most important part of the day, right next to slaughtering your enemies! Now, get up dirtbag, you're the dummy today." With that, the drill sergeant left off the base, leaving Simmons looking smugly at Grif.

"Don't say a fucking word." Grif glared at him.

"Told you so."

"Kiss ass"

"Lazy bastard."

* * *

"Alright dirtbags, today, we're working on aim!" Sarge yelled to the two teams as they lined up in the canyon, overlooking the high cliffs bordering the the ravine.

"WHAT THE HELL DOES AIM HAVE TO DO WITH SHOOTING ME!?" Grif yelled from up on one of the cliffs, heavy armor painted in his usual brand of orange coating his body, having the leader stick out like a sore thumb.

"Learning how to shoot a moving target of course! No grimm are gonna stand still while you aim at them!"Sarge explained as he readied a standard issue sniper rifle. "Now, here's the order of shooting will go it. It will go me, then Simmons, then me, me, Donut, me, me again, me, me, me, Scary shark lady, me, Church, me, me, Lopez, me, me, me, me, myself, Tucker, then finally me… then me again. Any questions, dirtbags?"

Everyone but Simmons raised there hand. Caboose was the first one to ask.

"Why don't I get a turn, Mr Pirate Guy?" The blue hunter in training asked.

"Caboose, the last time I gave you a gun, you shot me in the face, and then somehow CPR delivered by Grif saved me from the bullet wound to head." The gym coach said blunty. "This suprsises me as not only was it the wrong procedure, but it was Grif who performed it! It's a miracle I'm even alive! Guess I'm just that tough."

"Not my fault. Tucker did it."

"Oh, that is bull shit and you-"

Tex, however, cut Tucker off before he could rant any further. "Coach Sarge, is there any particular reason why you have so many turns?"

"I teach by example! Now, let's get this drill started! You ready dirtbag?!" Sarge called out to the cliffs.

"NO! THIS IS A HORRIBLE IDEA!" Grif yelled.

"Excellent, let's begin, numnuts!"

So, the excrise began, however by sheer force of will, Grif had yet to been shot, much to Sarge's frustration.

"GRIF! STAY STILL AND MAKE THIS MORE FUN!" The gruff gym teacher yelled.

"FUCK! NO!" came the panted out cry from across the canyon.

Tex was growing bored. "Coach, let me see the gun."

"Well, alright lady! Just remember, miss and have eternal shame on your miserable team!"

Tucker rolled his eyes. "Dude, your team missed like a dozen fucking times already, so doesn't that mean-"

Church quickly cut him off with a swift elbow to the ribs. "Shut up and watch."

Tex took a deep breath and looked down the scope of the gun.

"This is gonna be priceless." Church whispered to Tucker.

"Dude, no one has hit Grif yet. That bastard is surprisingly nimble." Tucker said.

"HA! What you gonna do Tex! You're not that scary this from up here! You're just a pansy! I could do this in my sle-EEP."

 _ **BANG**_

Tex had fired the rifle, hitting Grif dead on. However, where she had hit the orange leader is what caused every man who could understand to cringe. The black wearing badass had shot the slacker directly in the crotch. Even with the armor on, the rifle still carried enough impact to cause some bruising, and judging by state Grif was in, crying on the floor clutching his crotch as his chances of having kids slowly faded, it did not have sufficient enough protection of injuries of that type.

"Winner is Tex!" Sarge grinned "You caused Grif the most pain and suffering, so you win! Couldn't have done better myself!"

"Mr...Sarge?"

The commanding teacher looked over to see Glynda Goodwitch, beaming over the area.

"Why, what can I do for a lady like yourself today, Ms Goodwitch?" Sarge said, Grif moaning in the background."I'm here to assess the quality and effectiveness of this little recovery camp so far, as well as monitor the students development into huntsmen." She said, raising her glasses. "Now, might I ask why a student is on the ground in heavy armor, clutching their groin and moaning in pain?"

Sarge chuckled. "Why, that's simple! We were having a training drill and I decided to kill two grimm with one shotgun shell! So I had them use Grif here as target practice while he works on his running! It was brilliant, isn't that right Lopez?!"

Said android was quick to respond, shaking his head in disagreement "No me asocies con este lunático"

"Heh heh!"

Glynda looked back at the group. Grif was still on the floor in pain, Caboose was pestering Church who was telling him to leave him alone, Tucker making innuendos around Tex who didn't hesitate to raise her knife at him, Donut was doing his nails(?), Simmons was trying to impress Sarge, Lopez seemed to be desperate to be alone, and Sarge seemed oblivious to nearly all of this, barking at Grif to stop lazing around.

This was gonna be a long, migraine filled trip that she was gonna murder Ozpin for.

* * *

 **Omake: PSA How (not) to get with the ladies**

"Is this thing rolling?"

"Noooo, I'm just standing here holding the camera like a jackass. Of course it's rolling, dumbass."

"Well how am I supposed to fucking know, I'm not the one with the camera, man."

"Just get this thing fucking over with so we get the extra credit." Church scowled at Tucker. Part of the credit recovery they could do was submitting public service announcements or PSAs for short, and while they did team up with the reds for one earlier, Church personally wanted to get the hell away from Caboose as soon as possible. He swore Caboose was affecting his mental health, haunting his dreams. Sometimes he'd hear the voice in his nightmares only to wake up and realize that was his life now. So he agreed to get the team to help Tucker make his little video.So here they were,

"My name is Lavernius Tucker, but you ladies already know that. If you're a hopeless loser like this dude." Tucker said, pointing to Church who flipped him off "Then you came to the right place. Through this PSA, I will teach anyone how to be a lady's man!"

* * *

The video than cut to Tucker standing in the Beacon hall. "Now the first step to getting a babe is to have confidence! Chicks love that stuff! See, I'll show you just how well it works as the master takes the stage." Tucker said smoothly as he went over to one of the older students in the hall, a pale girl with long white hair tied up in a ponytail. Church swore he felt like he knew her name. It was something… Vice...Nice...Lice Knee. That's it. Yeah. Oh well, who cares, this was gonna be hilarious to watch, and even better, he had it on film!

"Hey there pretty lady" Tucker said as he slid down the lunch table, next to the pale girl "Your hair looks quite beautiful, though I gotta ask, do the curtains match the drapes?"

The girl looked at Tucker in disgust "Why, you perverted freak!" She screamed, and then used some sort of semblance to freeze the self proclaimed ladies man lower torso, slapped him in the face, then stormed off, fuming and mumbling something about stupid dolts.

Tucker stood there encased in ice, a slap mark on his face. "Umm...could you unfreeze me? And was that a no?"

* * *

"Now, as we can see, that was why you gotta make sure to go for the right chick, as that one was a stone cold bitch." Tucker said to the camera, still slightly shivering from his previous failure "But the next tip is picking out the right one. See, the next one is popular, hot, and nice, so when you score one like them, everyone totally won't thing you're way out of your league, because they're out of your league."

Church rolled his eyes. The idiot was in for a rude awakening and he was once again, gonna film the whole thing. Hello future blackmail material! Maybe he could get him to take Caboose out instead of him.

Tucker slide down to the champion of the Mistral Tournament and Pumpkin Pete's mascot, Pyrrha Nikos, while she was eating with her teammates in the cafeteria.

"How's it going babe?" Tucker said smoothly. "Wanna try some sword fighting with me

Pyrrha looked to Jaune to try and help her out of this, unfortunately this was entering lost on Jaune

"Umm… nothing against you, but I'm into someone else at the moment."

Jaune looked up "Oh you are Pyrrha? Huh, first I heard of it. Anyone dumb enough to not go on a date you must be the biggest idiot in the world."

"Jaune, I wouldn't go that far…"

"So, pretty lady, why wait for someone who can't see what's right in front him?" Tucker piped up, hoping to recover his chances.

Pyrrha once again turned to Jaune "Well, I have to work on training, as I'm very busy-"

"I think I can take a break enough to let you go on a date. Anyone would be lucky to have you." Jaune said, oblivious to this all, waved it off. "Pyrrha, I'm sure we can miss one day."

"Well, ummm… I...umm… Gotta...help Nora get ready for her date with Ren!"The orange haired Valkyrie looked up from devouring her mountain of pancakes, and Ren even broke his normally stoic stance, looking at the Champion in confusion.

"Mphcuse Pfte" Nora question Pyrrha, then swallowed her pancake whole. "What?""I agree." Ren added.

"Well, you two have a date tonight, remember."

"But we're not tog-" Nora was cut off as Pyrrha gave her a light jab.

" _Sorry! Just do this for please and I'll help you."_ She whispered to the energetic girl.

Nora, fortunately despite being an orphan, was better at social cues than Jaune. "I mean, yeah, we have a date tonight Renny?"

"When did we discuss this?"

"We're going to The Remnant house of Pancakes!" Nora added with a grin.

Jaune patted Ren on the back. "Nice to see you and Nora finally together. Be a gentleman and pay for both of your dinners."

"But I-"Pyrrha got up, dragging Nora, "Well if you excuse us, we gotta get her ready!"

Tucker looked in confusion. "What the fuck just happened."

Jaune looked to the self proclaimed ladies man. "Hey….language."


End file.
